Haines His Way

Speaking of unseemly hums - I was about to go to bed, but I do believe there's a cricket INSIDE my home environment. A cricket inside my home environment will drive me crazy. No "perhaps" in that sentence. It WILL drive me nuts. So there had better not be a cricket in here.

I would actually like to ask bk a question and hopefully it isn't too odd. I have Bedknobs and Broomsticks on DVD (30th Anniversary Edition) and was watching the extras. I was suprised to learn about the 25 minutes being cut and a few songs being added to the DVD. I was just wondering what you feelings on the DVD were compared to the original release in theatres. I suppose this can be open to everyone if it interests them.

Yes, fellow DRs, I went to see The Ten.

Normally, I would reserve posting my comments about a new show until after it opens, but in this case...  If you wish to stop reading right now, you may do so.  Otherwise...

There is so much I could say about the show right now.  Unfortunately, none of it would be good.  It was so bad - at least to me - that it wasn't even boring.  Even the people who were sitting next to me and around me did not clap during the curtain call.  Of course, it actually took a few minutes to realize that the curtain call was actually taking place.

Yes, it was the first preview, the first public performance of the show, so there were bound to be a few technical, musical and staging glitches.  A few.  But when the first five numbers started with no lights on the soloist - making the audience start wondering who the heck was singing - well, then...  Didn't they delay this first preview by a week in order to take care of technical issues?  I could just imagine the Vari-Light programmer getting fired midway through the first act with all the glitches that were very evident from the audiences point of view.

As for the "big, amazing, spectacular special effects"... Well, if there were supposed to be some in the show, I didn't notice any.  However, I did notice that two of the plague "effects" didn't work.  And as for the parting of the Red Sea and the subsequent drowning of the Pharoah's army... Well, there's not a single drop of water on stage.  There's a torrent of waves on the projection screen behind the actors, but none on stage.  Come on!  Even Phantom on the Opera has an underground lake!

I think the most grievous omission is that Moses is never seen receiving the Ten Commandments from God.  Instead, the time is spent watching an MTV-style orgy take place on stage in front of a Golden Calf that you can tell is going to crack apart since it comes on cracked.  -And leaves "cracked" as you watch two ensemble members trying their hardest to push the clunky set pieces off stage.  And who knew that stone slabs could bounce?  And that they could be easily picked up moments later by a young boy? -who then "sings" the commandments.  However, he doesn't just sing the commandments, he rewords them in a positive manner.  So, instead of "Thou shalt not lie", we now get, "We shall all tell the truth".  Ehh.

Choreographically speaking... Well, the whole show is one long music video, and it looks choreographed that way.  Unfortunately, choreographing for the camera and choreographing for a cavernous stage space are two, vastly different things.  I'll leave it at that.  *Oh, DR MBarnum - there actually seemed to a Bollywood section during the wedding dance!  

Musically speaking... Well, just start the drum machine and let it keep going... and going... and going...  And since it's a "pop" score, a lot of the songs have those "big-small" endings - the ones where a lot of stuff starts happening, then it just ends on a hushed chord.  In other words, no button.  Listening to a CD that can work.  Watching a music video that can work.  But when you have five of those endings in a row, the audience begins to wonder if and when they should be clapping.  The only "cue" to start clapping is that the people on stage have stopped gyrating their hips, and making those vaguely Egyptian poses with the arms and hands.

"Favorite" lyrics of the evening:
-Love is thicker than blood.
-He's so fine (which is sung when Zipporah first lays her eyes on Moses)
-Have you come back home from the desert without a brain?  (Or something very close to that - of course, the ryhme for brain in the previous line was "insane")

There were a couple of groaners - and, trust me, I was not the only one in the audience groaning... audibly... But I think those lyrics are best left to float away in the ether and not in my brain.

As for the performances...

I could go on and on, but since I have to be up early(!) - UGH! - I will stop.  For now.  If any DR would like some specifics, feel free to ask, and I'll try my best to answer.

I'm really not sure exactly how I feel about the show to tell the truth.  Yes, it was bad.  Could it better?  I don't think so.  There are just so many missed opportunities, so many bad choices, so many lapses of taste.  And, apparently, the Opening/Press Night is next week.  Hmmm...

The show will definitely not advance the current "state" of musical theatre.  And I don't think it will really hurt musical theatre since it's not really a musical theatre piece.  As for the show being a "spectacle"... Well, it probably is, but not in the sense that the creators and producers mean it to be.

As I stated before, there were a bunch of people around me not clapping at the end.  In fact, the gentleman next to me didn't clap the entire second act.  Neither did I.  I couldn't even "pity clap" for some of the Broadway veterans and Broadway gypsies on that stage.  But as I was looking down at the orchestra section, there was a good portion of the audience standing up.  And I also noticed that some of the people standing had "All Access" badges hanging around their necks.  In other words, they're with the production.

Oh, some final observations - for now:

-The longest bio in the program - which is like a souvenir program, but it's free - is the one for the casting agent.  He lists the various casting awards he's received.  Then starting with his movie work, then moving on to television and theatre, he lists the titles of the projects he has cast.  Then in parantheses are listed the major actors and actresses he cast in each project.  The whole "bio" takes up one whole column - a half page! - plus a few more lines.  Val Kilmer's bio is shorter!

-In bold type on the title page, there is a credit for: "Original Idea by"  Hmm... The original idea for the Bible?

-The Choreographer and Executive Music Producer are given better billing than the Conductor/Music Director.

-The orchestra is comprised of Three Synths, Bass, Drums, Two Percussionists, Guitar, EVI (basically, a "wind" synth), and a String Quartet (two violins, viola and cello).

-Besides the usually TV monitors used nowadays so that the cast can see the off-stage conductor, there is also a teleprompter for the actors to use for their lyrics.  Now if they can just move the guy who has the laptop with the scrolling going on in front of him from his space right in front of the stage... in view of the whole audience!...

-The stage director - or someone else with a pair of eyes - also needs to watch the show from the various mezzanine levels.  Seeing such things as the stagehand plug the gas line in for the burning bush is most disconcerting.  Or the various other stagehands crawling from the "hole" upstage in order to position and reposition various set pieces.

-The "Community Outreach" agency has apparently given away blocks of 100 to 500(!) seats to various groups (schools, churches, synagogues, etc.) throughout the opening weeks of the run.  And a portion of those "blocks" are in the main orchestra section.  The $127.50 a seat section!  Nothing like stacking your audience.  *I just heard whispers about this from various people, so I may be wrong.  If so, I'm sorry.

-Favorite overheard pre-intermission comment: "Why are the lights coming up?  Was that it?"

-Favorite overheard during-intermission comment: "OK - You don't need to say a word... I'm sorry."

-Next favorite overheard during-intermission comment: "Sesame Street Live was so much better than this."

-Favorite post-show audience comment: "Hey, you know it was bad when even I fell asleep during the show!"

And finally...  As I was waiting on the Metro platform at Hollywood+Highland, I noticed two of the ensemble members waiting for the train to North Hollywood.  They were reading a "tabloid".  Backstage West.  The audition notices.

DR Jose, I love your report on The Ten Commandments and think BK has provided a great title for your assessment, The Unseemly Hum.  I don't think you've said a word the performers would be troubled by.

DR Panni: Math may not be your strong suit.  The ATL (All Time Low in Internet lingo) is no longer 137.  As of last week, we set a new All Time Low at 121, barely on the fifth page.  I don't see the point of cheerleading us past the former ATL of 137, especially if you're doing it without pictures.  (I know, everything, including those nekid pictures, is at the cleaners.)

Ask BK: Is there any sort of timetable on your new mystery novel?  Like when it will be published?  In book stores?

Ask BK:

What is the most important thing you have learned by having this web site?

DR Jose:

I enjoyed reading your thoughts on "The Ten Commandments."  Sounds like it could be a camp classic.

$127.50 for orchestra seats!!  Escalating ticket prices are getting out of hand.  And producers wonder why it is so hard to convince people to go to the theatre regularly.

DR Jose....what a fabulous review!  If only the show was that good.  As Ken Mandlebaum has said: "Not since CARRIE...." (Which, yes, I did see....)

Can I just state how pleased I was about the winners of The Amazing Race?  Not meant to be a spoiler, but if you have paid attention to who I was rooting for, you might have some idea.  Or at least be able to figure out who didn't win.

As for BB5, it always seems so anti-climactic when they announce the winner.  It always has seemed that way to me, for some reason.

DR Panni: Math may not be your strong suit.  The ATL (All Time Low in Internet lingo) is no longer 137.  As of last week, we set a new All Time Low at 121, barely on the fifth page.  I don't see the point of cheerleading us past the former ATL of 137, especially if you're doing it without pictures.  (I know, everything, including those nekid pictures, is at the cleaners.)

I, for one, am completely ignoring the new ATL number.  121 is a vulgar number, easily obtained and unstylish--like wearing white after Labor Day.  136 (the actual last ATL number), on the other hand, is sleek and challenging, smartly cut at the waist, and has a classic styling that goes well with any topic.  

BK, what is your take on directors like Lucas and Spielberg reconfiguring their old films by digitally manipulating them?

Off in a few minutes to help my friend finish the last of his packing for his eventual move next week back to Virginia. NC's loss is Virginia's gain.

Hey DR Kerry! Nice to see you around these parts again!!

I've long been considered unstylish and easily obtained.

That's funny.  I already did.  

And thanks for deleting "unstylish."

Received a nice e-mail from my brother Jeff in Iraq. He is getting settled in very nicely. He is a Federal Government employee with the Army Corp of Engineers working as, he says, the Tikrit Area Engineer Manager. I think he is living in some palace or something and he is just 2 hours away from our nephew Jeffrey’s National Guard Unit...although he doubts that he will have an opportunity to see little Jeffrey.

Jeff is working with a lot of Iraqi engineers building, or rebuilding, power stations, etc. He really enjoys working with the Iraqi people who are basically putting their lives on the line in working with the American’s.

Anyway, it sounds like he is doing fine so that is a relief.