Hi everyone. I wanted to post sooner but this is a busy place. Everytime I turned the computer on someone walks in or the phone is ringing or something else.
Well, this it the current news.
Now that the doctor had the time to go over the results she said that it is very possible that Mom could pass at any moment but it could be a week or even a month. They have no way of knowing.
Having said that she also said that they wouldn't hide it from her that she is dying because they feel she should know. They won't come right out and tell her but if she asked, they would tell her.
I feel that if anyone should tell her, it should be me.
The doctor agreed to keep the "secret" until Friday but she said if nothing happened a decision would have to be made as to if Mom want's to stay at the Hospice House or go home.
If she chose to go home, an army of nurses would have to go with us. She does need someone there 24 hours and a hospital bed, etc, etc.
I felt like my back was up againist the wall so I broke the news to Mom in another little half truth. I told her that we were waiting for the tests to come back but that it didn't look good. I wanted her to understand that it is possible that she's dying. I just didn't say it was for sure. I said the test would be back around Friday.
I told her the choices she had if the tests came back bad--to stay here or go home with all of the equipment and nurses and she suprised me and said she would rather stay where she was at.
I feel somewhat of a relief that she knows something. I didn't like to lie to her and to keep holding out the hope that she would go home. I guess it really was up to her to decide.
She took the news pretty good. I was the one who was crying as I was telling her.
She said she thought something was wrong. At least this way I was able to ask her if there was anything she wanted or needed to do or say or have done what could I do.
So at this point, we'll just take it one day at time until Friday comes. It's going to be hard if I do have to tell her the whole truth but if I do, at least she is somewhat prepared for it.
In the mean time, I'm going to try to start to go back to work for a least a half a day. My wonderful boss said I could come in at seven and leave whenever I needed to. If I stay until 3:30, I'll get my eight hours in, leave before the traffic gets bad, go home, feed the dogs, get a shower or whatever needs to be done, get my work clothes for the next day and go stay with Mom in the evenings.
Right now, that's the best I can do.
